Faking It Read online

  Danni looked doubtful before walking to stand in front of her. “Was that your girlfriend on the phone? I could hear you from outside.”

  Brooke nodded. She didn’t trust herself to speak; she was so annoyed and hurt.

  “Do you want to talk about it? I might not be great at giving advice but I’m good at listening – have you seen the size of my ears?” Danni joked, tugging at her lobes.

  Brooke smiled, grateful for the injection of humour. Where would I begin? She knew what the solution was, but nobody could give her the courage to do what she knew she must. She was going to have to do that by herself. But when and how she didn’t know.

  “No, it’s okay, really. I didn’t invite you out to bore you to tears with my relationship problems. I’m fine, honestly,” Brooke said, embarrassed by the attention.

  “If you’re sure.”

  Brooke nodded.

  “Come on then, your wine is getting warm.”

  Brooke followed Danni back to the table. “Look, I’m really sorry to do this, Danni, but I need to shoot off. I’ve got to pick my partner up from the station.”

  “Don’t worry. My liver will be relieved.” She laughed. “It was nice to see you again Brooke. It’s good to talk about the book and writing. Really inspiring.”

  “Yes, I’ve enjoyed myself too. Shame about the reading.”

  Danni grinned. “Well, perhaps we can meet up again to talk about the book, and about publishing? I’d love to know more.”

  Brooke adjusted the straps of her bag over her shoulder, prolonging the agony.

  “I’d like that. I’ll call you soon.”

  “Great,” Danni answered.

  The two women stood up and faced one another. There was an uneasy pause – should they embrace? Shake hands? Embarrassed by the awkwardness, Brooke extended her hand to Danni. “I’ll see you soon.”

  Danni’s hand reached out, her delicate fingers wrapping around Brooke’s own. Brooke’s eyes widened involuntarily as if waking from a dull slumber. She felt alive, re-energised. Unable to hide the pleasure of the touch, she looked down. Her system was barely able to withstand such intensity, let alone the added power of Danni’s gaze.

  “Bye then.” Danni smiled.

  “Yes, bye, Danni. Goodbye.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Come on Danni, save yourself the heartache – she’s not available!

  Leaving the bookstore, Danni crossed the road and began her brief walk to the bus stop nearby. Her mind was pre-occupied by the events of the night, and more precisely, its rather abrupt end. Poor Brooke. How could she put up with a partner that demanding? She didn’t want to be judgemental, but from what she had heard that evening, Brooke certainly didn’t have it easy. It seemed to Danni that Brooke was being manipulated; having to change her plans last minute upon her partner’s whim. Worse still, it had meant the end of a perfect night.

  Within minutes, she had boarded the bus – one of Boris’ iconic new London route finders, and was settled into her window seat on the upper deck. The sound of the humming engine made her feel relaxed, allowing her mind to drift quickly back to her new favourite subject – Brooke.

  For her, it had been an incredible evening. From the very moment Brooke had greeted her outside the bookstore, Danni had felt such a connection to her, a oneness even. She laughed to herself, realising how wet she sounded. Yuk! She grinned. What have I become? I’m even making myself feel nauseous.

  Danni was not one for overly romantic sentiment; she had always poked fun at her friends for getting all soppy. However, since meeting Brooke, she found it impossible to think in any other terms.

  Brooke was fascinating. Amazing. Beautiful. Bright. Charming. Insightful. Eloquent. Witty. Brooke was Perfect.

  Her face lit up. She had become one of those mad people occasionally spotted on night buses, who just sit there smiling to themselves. There was no denying it; she had become a hopeless romantic. My name is Danni and I’m a big soppy drip!

  As her journey progressed, questions began to pop into her mind. She had not meant to eavesdrop on Brooke’s call, but she had the distinct recollection of Brooke telling her partner that she was out with her work colleague Ethan? Her pulse quickened. Why would Brooke feel the need to lie, unless of course she had feelings for her?

  Could she? It wasn’t inconceivable, was it?

  The possibility filled her with an all too joyful happiness – a sense of elation which was quickly disturbed by the beeping of her phone.

  A message.

  It was most probably Josh being nosy. She smiled as she glanced down at the slightly scuffed screen, expecting to read some wildly inappropriate comment from him.

  Brooke!

  She opened the message excitedly.

  “Danni. So sorry I had to run off abruptly. It was great to catch up with you. Once again, sorry. Brooke x”

  Danni read the message again, desperately trying to uncover any innuendos that might be contained within the twenty-five word text. She hadn’t done that in years, not since her very first date with a girl.

  She quickly started to text back,

  “Hi Brooke. No problem.”

  Delete.

  “Hey Brooke – that’s fine.”

  Delete.

  As if seized by some new-found courage, she tapped the screen and produced a message so bold that it made her feel quite unwell.

  “Hey Brooke, absolutely no problem. I had a fun night too. Would be lovely to meet again to continue our chat. How are you fixed this weekend? Danni x”

  Oh God! It was done. She had put her wish out into the universe, now all she could do was wait.

  ***

  Danni felt like the lion in The Wizard of Oz. Her newly acquired courage had put her in an upbeat and inspired mood. Arriving home, she grabbed a beer from the fridge, collected her laptop and went straight to her bedroom to continue work on her book.

  She was buzzed.

  It was as though Brooke was her muse. One single evening had seemed to give her that final push she needed.

  Her fingers skipped and danced over the keys with renewed vigour. Every word being conjured easier and quicker than the last. Letters became words, words became sentences, sentences became paragraphs. Paragraphs became chapters.

  After five hours, she pushed her chair back from the desk, rubbed her eyes and let out a satisfied sigh. The synopsis and first four chapters were complete. It was more than enough to show any potential publisher, and moreover, Brooke.

  Doubt flooded her as she closed the lid of her laptop. Did she really want Brooke to read her latest literary creation? Could she cope with a rejection from this woman, the object of her affections? The thought made her stomach turn. It didn’t matter if she sent her work off to some faceless publisher whom she didn’t know, but to have Brooke tell her that she sucked would be a bitter pill indeed.

  Danni undressed, slipped into bed and snuggled under her quilt. It was late. She was tired. It had been quite a day. Glancing down at her phone, there was still no word from Brooke. Danni felt philosophical about the situation. She had been bold, perhaps foolish – she had asked Brooke out. If she didn’t reply, then at least she would know. It occurred to her that it was just the same with her book. If it turned out to be dire, at least she could accept it and move on, after all, the truth sets you free.

  Rolling onto her side, she made the second brave decision of the day. Tomorrow, she’d go through her manuscript again then send it to Roy. If he didn’t bite, she would reconsider her future.

  This bravery lark felt good. Scary but good. Like her nan always told her:

  “Faint heart never won fair lady … nor a fabulously lucrative book deal!”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Brooke sat staring at the TV, trying her hardest to block out Megan’s voice by turning the sound up.

  Megan threw her hands up in the air like a spoilt child and blocked her view. “So you’re giving me the silent treatment now?”


  Brooke threw the TV control down beside her. “No, Megan, I’m not. I just don’t have anything to say to you right now,” Brooke answered calmly, holding her ground.

  Megan snorted. “That’s a first. Normally you never stop nagging.”

  “Nagging?” Brooke looked up, meeting Megan’s eyes with a narrow stare. “Is that what you call it when somebody attempts to get a bit of respect?”

  “Look, I’m sorry to have dragged you away from your fun night out, Brooke. God. I can’t believe I’ve been away for two weeks and I come back to this bullshit again. Jeeesus,” Megan hissed.

  Brooke felt her jaw tighten. “Megan, I …”

  The words were right on the tip of her tongue, ready to throw themselves off, if only she had the courage to let them. She was confused. She felt numb towards Megan. Exhausted. Spent. Done. But were these feelings real, or merely the effect of Danni’s unexpected entry into her life? In any case, she couldn’t make life-changing decisions based on an attraction she might have towards a straight woman, however real it might feel. If she was to let Megan go, it had to be for herself, for her own sanity.

  “What?” Megan snapped. “What are you trying to say, Brooke?”

  Brooke frowned and looked down at the ground. “I, we can’t carry on like this.”

  Megan dropped down into the leather armchair in the corner of the room. “Like what? Carry on like what?”

  Brooke was silent. She collected herself for a moment before she found the courage to look into Megan’s eyes. “I mean it, Megan. I just can’t do this anymore.”

  Megan looked at her in disbelief. “So you want us to break up? You don’t really mean that.”

  Brooke’s voice dropped. “I’m not sure. I don’t know what I want, Megan. But I’m not happy and if you’re honest, neither are you.”

  Megan quickly rose from her seat to close the distance between them. Kneeling down at Brooke’s side, Megan’s eyes softened, her gaze submissive, her voice full of a new-found tenderness.

  “Look, I know things have been a bit difficult recently, really hard. But Brooke, I know if we both try, we can get back what we once had.”

  “Do you honestly think that’s possible, Megan?” Brooke asked.

  “Yes, I do. I really do. I know I can be selfish sometimes but I do love you. We can’t just throw in the towel. We owe it to each other to have another try. What do you think? Brooke?”

  Brooke sat staring into space. Just five minutes ago, she had been ready to end it. Now, looking into Megan’s eyes, she could see the woman she once knew, the woman she fell in love with. She hated herself for being so weak, but she knew she had to try just once more, just to know she had truly given it her all, should the worst come later.

  “I need things to change. I don’t just mean you saying it to shut me up, I need promises, Megan.”

  Megan smiled softly. “Just name them,” she said leaning in, showering Brooke with tiny butterfly kisses on the side of her closed mouth.

  Brooke closed her eyes, trying to silence the inner conflict. She was angry, hurt and yet perversely, part of her still enjoyed the sensation of Megan’s lips against her own.

  “No more cancelling our dates to go out with other people,” Brooke said, laying out her demands. “When you say you’re going to be here at a certain time, you have to be.”

  “Uh huh,” Megan’s hand slid up Brooke’s top and made contact with her bare breast, gently teasing her nipple between her finger and thumb. Brooke was simultaneously repelled and aroused. Part of her hated Megan touching her. Part of her loved it. She wanted to push her off, reject her just as she had felt rejected, but there was such a yearning for intimacy that she couldn’t resist.

  Brooke swallowed hard. “And when you’re overseas, no more being unreachable days on end,” she said between breaths.

  “I promise,” Megan said pushing Brooke down on the sofa and lying on top of her. “Anything else?” she asked in a low husky voice.

  Brooke felt powerless to resist.

  “Well there is something,” she whispered as Megan hungrily covered Brooke’s mouth with her own.

  ***

  Disentangling herself from Megan’s legs, Brooke stood up from the wide-striped sofa. She stretched, pushing her hair behind her ears as she stepped over the cushions that had been tossed from the sofa half an hour before. The intimate encounter had broken down the barrier that had stood between them for so long, and yet Brooke still felt an ominous shadow hanging over them.

  She stood in the lounge, just staring at Megan as she lay on the sofa, delightfully drowsy from pleasure. She loved the contours of Megan’s back, the firmness of her shoulders.

  “What do you think about having date nights? We never seem to go out anymore,” Brooke asked, breaking the silence.

  “What did you have in mind?” Megan said sleepily.

  “Oh I don’t know. We could go to a gay bar or something on Saturday. Like we used to.”

  “Sure why not. Whatever you want.”

  “Megan, I really hope we can make it work, I really do.”

  When Megan didn’t reply, Brooke leant over her and brushed back the hair from her face. She was sound asleep. Why couldn’t love just be simple – why did it have to be so much work?

  She made her way to the bathroom and as she passed through the hallway, she glanced at her phone charging on the side table. She flicked it on and within seconds, it bleeped indicating she had a message. It was from Danni. She slumped against the wall, eagerly reading the text.

  The thought of seeing Danni again pleased her, excited her even, however, Brooke was torn. If she was serious about giving things one final go with Megan, she knew in her heart that meant no distractions, no “interests”, no outside influences that might derail their relationship. Danni might be straight but she was still a distraction, a beautiful one at that.

  Yes, that would be the most prudent course of action, Brooke mused. Her fingers hovered over the keys as if urging her to reconsider her assessment. Perhaps she should sleep on it, decide in the morning. After all, everything is clearer in the cold light of day.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Brooke clicked the save button for the final time on the manuscript she was working on. As much as she had enjoyed reading the book, she was grateful she had finished it. It had been a tough one, not the writing itself but the discipline she had to instil in herself to keep her mind focused on the job at hand.

  Ethan strolled in past her. She gasped when she realised the familiar sight of his suit was gone, only to be replaced with drainpipe jeans, a blazer, and a scarf around his neck. He smiled at her when he saw her puzzled expression.

  He dropped into his seat. “What’s up? Cat got your tongue?”

  Before she could respond, Roy swooped into the empty seat beside her. He looked over at Ethan for a split second, raising his eyebrow as he did, before turning his back to Brooke.

  “How’s it going?” Roy asked.

  “You’ll be pleased to know I’m finished with the Cruz edit.”

  “Good, good,” he said smiling. He cleared his throat. “I take it you had a pleasant evening at the book reading?”

  Brooke sat, resting her hands on her lap. “I’m afraid I have a confession to make.”

  He looked at her quizzically “Oh yes?”

  “The Michael Fitzgerald’s tickets you gave me went to waste.”

  “Really. How so?”

  “Well I met up with Danni as planned and we sort of got carried away with, you know, talk about the publishing world, authors, her book. We just totally lost track of time.”

  He glanced around the office before fixing his eyes back on Brooke. “Well, it’s nice to hear you two got along so well.” He leaned in towards her, lowering his voice when he spoke. “Looks like you approve of my son’s choice then?”

  Brooke smiled. “Yes, she’s a very interesting young woman. Oh and to put your mind at rest, you were right, she was feeling a b
it awkward, but it wasn’t anything to do with her feelings about Josh.”

  Roy nodded for her to continue.

  “It seems she felt a little uncomfortable in her outfit.”

  Roy looked puzzled. “Her outfit?”

  “Yes. Apparently Josh wanted her to pull out all the stops to impress you. Anyway, she said she was feeling uncomfortable in herself. So that’s what you most probably picked up on.”

  A wave of relief swept across Roy’s face, as he jumped to his feet. “Josh is a strange boy. Why would he make the poor girl do something like that?”

  Brooke shrugged. “Probably so you’d like her. It’s is kind of sweet that he wanted her to make such a good impression on you – although not so much fun for her – especially in those heels at your party.”

  He smiled as looked down at her. “Yes, I guess so.”

  Brooke rose to meet him, pushing in the chair. “So, is that all, Roy? I’ve got to be at a meeting in Soho.”

  “Okay, don’t let me keep you.” He gave her shoulder a gentle pat and waltzed off towards his office.

  Brooke turned to Ethan. “What’s with the outfit?” she asked gesturing to his new style of clothing. “It suits you.”

  “Thanks. Helen thought I looked a bit stuffy in suits. Said I was a clone.”

  “Well you definitely stand out now and I mean for the better.”

  “Thanks. Do you think Roy looked a bit, you know?” he asked pulling his face.

  “I’m sure he was as equally impressed as I was. Sorry, I’ve got to run,” she said gathering her bag from the floor. “Speak later.”

  As she bustled her way to the lifts she was glad the conversation with Roy about Danni was over. Now if only she could get over the woman herself. Maybe her night out on Saturday with Megan was just the thing she needed.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  At one time, Revolutions was a seedy backstreet bar in the heart of Soho. However, with the revamp of the area it had been magically transformed into a bonafide stylista venue that attracted a mixed crowd on a Saturday night. Without doubt though, it would still smell of poppers and stale B.O. As Danni’s nan always said, you can’t polish a turd.